The Key.

Dear Emmia and Kirk,
 

bruised past, confused beginning

battles abroad and battles inside

How do I cope?

Anger, hate, shut people out.

Stay inside, do not shout.

In the corner of my mind,

locked in chains, no fight left.

waiting for anyone to bring me from

the agonizing past inside my head.

The key

A small little whisper. . . you are you are . . .

I am what?

The chains chatter angrily on the cold cement

as I turn to Him.

He beckons and I reach.

"Stop!" the chains say as I'm jerked back by their length.

I struggle, fight, and scream as frustration tears my mouth.

I lie here in the middle of my prison

the chains still here

my wrists and ankles throbbing in rhythm

to my painted out cry

"why, why, why?"

Light slowly penetrates my once lonely prison.

He comes to me and gets me on my knees

He holds my clinched fists and asks me to "let go."

I shake my head and whimper an I can't

He lifts my chin to look at his face.

His eyes know my pain, the agony I'm in.

"You are. . . ." he replies

I am what? 

"It's up to you" He says as He looks down at my hands

I follow His gaze as my fists slowly unfold

My cheeks are wet as He lifts up the key that's there.

"You always had it." 

"You are always free."

Returning the key to my palm, He raises and says

"Come when you are ready."

as he departs. . . waiting.

The is key is in my hand 

the chains squeal as I turn the lock.

A soft click and loud complaints as the links hit the floor.

I run from that place

I run to find Him.

Love, Ryn.

"Filling their souls with Joy"

Dear Emmia and Kirk,

In the  Book of Mormon. there are so many trials:

Moving and not knowing where your going (1 Nephi 2:4)

Sibling revelry (1 Nephi 3:28)

Mistakes (2 Nephi 4)

Wayward sons (Alma 39)

Just to name a few. So what did they do when things got tough? What should we do when a tsunami of problems wash away our peace? Again the Book of Mormon not only gives us examples of trials but also examples of ways to get through it.

  I want to share with you one of my favorite scriptures. I say one of them because its just too hard to pick just one favorite scripture. That's like trying to pick out a favorite star among the heavens.
Anyways back to the scripture. Its Helaman 3:35.

This scripture is talking about the Nephites a people that lived in ancient America. They have had a lot of wars (a trial, right?) because of wickedness but this is a time where some of them are striving to live the commandments of God.

"Nevertheless they did fast and pray oft, and did wax stronger and stronger in their humility, and firmer and firmer in the faith of Christ, unto the filling their souls with joy and consolation, yea, even to the purifying and the sanctification of their hearts, which sanctification cometh because of their yielding their hearts unto God."

Their trials weren't over and done with and then they had joy. They still had hard times but they had joy through it. How you might ask? Through fasting and praying and trusting in God

I know that we must fast and pray. That is the only way we will receive spiritual light. I know that when we put in our effort we will gain strength and firmness in our humility and faith in Christ.

I know that when we "yield our hearts unto God" Christ will "fill our souls with joy" even when we are going through the "very jaws of hell" (D&C 122:7)

Whenever your life feels like its going downhill, kids, think of Jesus Christ. His name has power alone. Jesus Christ will help us climb up our own personal mountains but we have to choose to move forward. We have to choose to receive the joy Christ desires to give us.

The Refiner's Fire

This talk (link above) is by James E. Faust. Here are some clippets of what he says and quotes:

Parley P. Pratt said: “If I had been set to turn the world over, to dig down a mountain, to go to the ends of the earth, or traverse the deserts of Arabia, it would have been easier than to have undertaken to rest, while the Priesthood was upon me. I have received the holy anointing, and I can never rest till the last enemy is conquered, death destroyed, and truth reigns triumphant.” (Journal of Discourses, 1:15.)

Elder Orson F. Whitney asked and answered this question: “To whom do we look, in days of grief and disaster, for help and consolation? … They are men and women who have suffered, and out of their experience in suffering they bring forth the riches of their sympathy and condolences as a blessing to those now in need. Could they do this had they not suffered themselves?

“Though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered; And being made perfect, he became the author of eternal salvation unto all them that obey him.” (Heb. 5:8–9).

"The Divine Shepherd has a message of hope, strength, and deliverance for all. If there were no night, we would not appreciate the day, nor could we see the stars and the vastness of the heavens. We must partake of the bitter with the sweet. There is a divine purpose in the adversities we encounter every day.They prepare, they purge, they purify, and thus they bless."

I know that no matter what your going through whether it be debt, losing a loved one or wading through the storm of guilt, that Jesus Christ loves you and has given you this things because He knows you can handle it. 

There have been times in my life where I didn't believe that. Where I would yell at God for giving me things that I did not believe I could handle. 

Many burdens feel that way; that they are dragging us down. and they may not be big burdens really. They may be those small thoughts in the back of your mind asking: Will it work out? or What does my future hold? and the enormity of that unanswered questions leaves you in worry and doubt.

Remember the Savior in those moments. Strength comes to change, to have hope and happiness in the agony of sorrow and hardship. 

DO NOT GIVE UP. 

Keep your eye on the Son of God though your horizon is dark.

Have faith that it will all work out in the end. If it ain't working out, it ain't the end.

Have faith in Christ and let Him purify and sanctify your heart so that you can stand firm and know that He is.

Love,
   Ryn.

Fly to His arms.

Dear Emmia and Kirk,

In the Bible there is the story of Noah. He lived in a pretty wicked world; so wicked that God, as merciful as He is, decided to flood the whole earth. In God's mercy He told Noah to pack up his family, food, provisions, and all types of animals(two by two) on an ark that God instructed him to build. Sound familiar to anyone? Has anyone ever had to move? go to college? start a new chapter in life? 

Sometimes transitions in life go smoothly and you are actually grateful for doing it. But that's not how it was in Noah's case. God told Noah to go into the ark with everything he had gathered and that's when it got rough. Waters from the depths of the earth sprang up and rain pored down on them until the ENTIRE earth was covered. AND Noah was 600 years old. (forgot to mention that)

Things got better though. Noah had prepared enough before hand so that all the animals and his family would survive until the waters subsided and they could come out of the ark and start over again.

But I think my favorite part in this story is the dove. When Noah wanted to see if the waters had decreased he first sent out a raven then a dove to see if there was land.

Everyone loves when the dove comes back with the olive branch in her mouth and everyone rejoices and they are even more excited when she doesn't return at all because they know that she is on land. 

But there was a time before that where she came back with nothing.

Genesis 8:9

" But the dove found no rest for the sole of her foot, and she returned unto him into the ark, for the waters were on the face of the whole earth: then he put forth his hand, and took her, and pulled her in unto him into the ark."

I love this scripture. It reminds me so much of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ has sent us out here in this world that's pretty scary; that's flooded with a lot of hate and sadness sometimes. We cannot find rest in this world permanently.

We need to return to Him to find the rest we need. His hand is always "put forth" to take us and pull us in for the comfort and rest we earn for.

God knows what we need. All we must do is seek for it. Don't let anything get in the way of you flying into His arms; of going to Him in hard times and good times.

God loves us. Let us love Him.

Love,

   Ryn.

Failures, anyone?

Dear Emmia and Kirk,

As I look back on this last year and forward to the new I ask myself a lot of questions: 

What have I done?

What have I become this past year? 

What do I want to be? 

What are my new years resolutions?

Can I even remember my last ones?

Which ones did I accomplish?

Which ones are unfulfilled?

How can I get better?

What should I aim for?

What haven't I aimed for?

What in the world is wrong with me?

Why am I asking all these questions anyway?

Hmmm, maybe I should learn how to play the guitar?

Woo I wonder if I could read all the standard works in a year!?

Wouldn't that be an accomplishment!?

But what about the other goals I want to get done? like:

-become a Preach my Gospel Missionary

-declutter(I have soo much stuff right?

-make every prayer meaningful

-get in shape and eat right, yay!

-develop talents and abilities

-turn 21(not a given one if you think about it)

-always be myself(which is super hard, no?

-maybe figure out how to do a podcast

-and learn how to crochet and knit a pattern

-become fluent in Spanish

How am I ever gonna get all these things done?

What about last years goals that did not happen?

like at all?

Was last year a failure?

Maybe it wasn't?

I wonder if you got confused with all these questions?

     This past year was all a year should be. It had up and downs and unexpected turns and paths. Yeah I made a bunch of mistakes and goof ups but I also did a lot of good.

So as I tried to figure out my goals for this year as well as reflecting, my sister emailed me and gave me this sound advice:(without even knowing it)

 "Remember that "failures" are only failures if you don't learn from them."

 So I'm not going to limit my goals this year just because I "failed" some goals last year. I learned from them so they're not really failures.

 

I know I may not know the path but I know who is with me. My Savior never leaves me and with Him and can return to God. I focus on him and through all the trial and mistakes I try to always remember:

So my new years resolutions are:

Use the Atonement daily, one day at a time.

Master the simple things

Love and serve others

Be balanced

Return with Him

And any others He wants to to do:)

 So go out and learn and grow. I'm certainly doing it or trying to, and that's what life is all about.
   Because we are eternal beings (we have always existed and will always exist) this is the only time in our existence where we will have such a close understanding of and think of beginnings and ends, months and years, and the everyday mortal things.

Enjoy it!!! Reach out and grab it. Cherish and love every bad hair day, flat tire, broken relationship, wrong turn, right way, family laughter, precious moment, held child, falling leaf, snowflake, or rain, skip or trip or run, frown or smile, dashed hope or accomplished dream. Because its only fleeting and you'll realize as you look back on it all, your failures or mistakes will be your most triumphant memories, where you overcame and changed and loved the most.

God gave us this opportunity to be human together. Lets enjoy the journey; potholes, bumps, wrong turns and all. So lets do this new year thing together. What are your resolutions?
Love,
Ryn

Status

Dear Emmia and Kirk
    Have you ever wondered what your "status" is? It's there all the time on Facebook with the epic thought provoking question "what's on your mind?" (hopefully you know what this is and future technology hasn't made Facebook archaic) We usually type up something we've done or what color of shoes we wore today but it should be something more? The Google definition of the word status is "the relative social, professional, or other standing of someone or something." Huh what? Your status is your standing. on what? you might ask. Well it could be anything really but what is most important to you?

   I was thinking a lot about this; about how I used Facebook and technology before my mission (not much because of my lack of techy skill and when I did it was for random unimportant things) and how I use it now on my mission. I use it to uplift others and myself. I use it to help people find happiness through Jesus Christ. I use it to email my family every Preparation day and I use it to write you. Its a drastic change in my status.

   What causes great changes in you? For me it was being aware.

 Being aware of: 

God's love for me

Jesus Christ sacrifice for me

the children of God I see (which is everybody)

the hope in my heart.

   I change a lot but one thing stays the same: That I'm a Daughter of God. That will not change. It won't for you either. Nope, sorry. You are stuck being a son or daughter of God forever; eternity; all the time; siempre(always) And God will always love you forever; eternity; all the time. . . you're picking up what I'm laying down. Even if that girl in your English class doesn't even know you exist or your boyfriend just dumped you. Or you're a snot to everybody even yourself. God loves you. I love you.
  I realized what I should have been doing with technology all along. I should have been letting people know I love them. That's ultimately what my status is all the time now. That's why I'm so weird (cause God made me that way and I am that way) and that's why I'm trying to figure out all these computery things so I can spread happyness
My "status" is happy my purpose makes sense, and I am weird.
 Love,
     Ryn.

Changing!

Dear Emmia and Kirk,
      Well the previous posts has been slightly aimless. When I started this blog it was called The River's Return. Pretty neat huh? (you can read The Reason page to find out why I picked it:) I went through a whole long gazillion year period where I was changing my blog every week because it just wasn't working. I even went to wordpress.com and started the exact same blog (same name and posts) thinking I could just choice between them if one worked out. . . it didn't work out. This whole process of writing a blog seemed daunting and now frustrating! ggrrrrrr! I went through many phrases of denial (oh it looks fine don't worry), ignoring it (I'll figure it out later) and utter frustration (why can't I get the colors to work out?!AND why can't this do-dad thingy go THERE?!)

   But I did not give up. I wanted to start writing a blog so I could possibly help people (including you) to find the meaning of life and how they could come closer to Jesus Christ. So, a few days ago I had the idea to write a blog and to my future kids whose names will hopefully be Emmia and Kirk (at least two of them.) I thought it was such a cool idea because people say that if your writing to someone specific it helps focus your writing and brings it purpose to you and also not going to lie, it will probably be super funny to read this with you one day:)

     So my next step was trying to add it to the blog I had already have, a sub blog within my river's return blog. But alas I am technologically impaired and it was just making me super frustrated and I kept bugging everyone about it. Soooo. . . BAM! complete change:) Kind of like putting on new underwear or changing your whole life. . . or blog (heehee)

     I love this feeling! To have a purpose to my blog and to write freely. This is how life should be all the time right? Moving forward and progressing all the time without any hitches or potholes and moving along with purpose. Isn't that what most everyone prays for? Good health. Happy life. Great career. But it doesn't always turn out that way. We have adversity and trials. Why do you think that is? That when we pray for blessings and a happy life we get a flat tire, lose a job or simply don't feel as happy as we want? I came across a quote in my personal study that will help with that question. Its in the Ensign and it really shined new light into my brain:

   It effected me so much I even cut it out and glued it in my study journal. :) Do we understand what that's saying?  OUR TRIALS ARE BLESSINGS. They refine us and bring us closer to God which is the greatest blessing of all. 

Lean on Jesus Christ through prayer, faith and His scriptures and you will make it through all the trials and frustrations of this world. That is how we become truly free. Free to live. Free to be us and free to return to our Father in Heaven. "I, the Lord God, make you free, therefore ye are free indeed; and the law also maketh you free". (D&C 98:8)

   Love,

       Ryn.

Turning

     Well just recently I have gone through some big milestones in my life. You know the events and the moments in them that you'll remember for a lifetime (until you're senile)? That's what I'm going through. For those of you who don't know I am a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and I serve for 18 months. Well I just got to my half way point. And if that's not enough I just had my 20th birthday. At first, I took it as a double spiritual slap to the face. Satan, (you know the bad guy that whispers horrid things to us to make us feel down about ourselves so we don't reach our full potential and tries to convince us that we should hide our light from others? yeah him) he was really trying to drag me down. And the funny thing is I was given him power to do it!! And I didn't even realize it. So I was going through this junk and kind of coasting on the path when I learned about affirmations; telling ourselves positive things in the mirror to ourselves.
      I love when God who knew I was going through a hard time (even when I didn't know it) helped me out and even gave me the tools to get better. I love God's mercy. All I was praying for was answers to why I was feeling so down when I should feel happy about all these amazing events in my life and God gave me not only the why but the how.
      The ladies might appreciate this. I remember when I was little and I was in ballet and trying (and failing) to spin. Me, being my little self I didn't know how to spot; where you look at one thing while spinning so you don't get dizzy. That's how I felt when Satan was trying to drag me down. I wasn't focusing on what I needed to. I felt all of those unhappy emotions like anger, frustration, doubt, annoyance, worry, fear, confusion, unfairness and they just spun me around in circles. That's what life is like if you don't have anything solid to focus on. You just end up going around and around, turning to and fro and you end up getting dizzy and falling down. But with something to focus on you can dance through life with a smile on your face.
  So I invite you to find something to focus on. Something solid for you so that you can move forward with all you got, no matter what stands in the way. Let me know what you come up with. :) For some it might be their career, their family or a simple something they do everyday.
      For me, my focus is the most solid thing I know to keep my eyes on: Jesus Christ. He will be there forever and because I will always exist and have a forever spirit, like everyone else, its nice to have a forever thing to focus on. He is my Guide and my Savior. He loves me and helps me with anything. Whenever I focus on Him
    I really don't know where you are at in life, if you like cats or dogs, have religion or not, if you are a pepper or a salt person but I want you to think about this next question:

If you knew that someone had lived every moment of their lives for you, then gave that life up just for you:

how would that make you feel?

how would you live?

what would you do for that person?

I know Jesus Christ did this for me and His sacrifice makes me feel like I am important and I know that I am. I want to live my life for Him and I will be like Him and serve Him by helping people like He did. I will focus on Him and turn to Him every time my life takes me for a spin. I will trust Him. I will be His, always.

Proverb #1

Repentance (changing to come closer to Christ) is like brushing you teeth. You should do it daily.