Plot Twist!!

Dear Emmia and Kirk,
    I remember one time when I was in elementary school we had a skate day. I was so excited!! I borrowed my sister's black and purple skates and I got there, strapped them on, made sure they were nice and tight and started skating my heart out. At first I just roamed around exploring but it got really serious when someone challenged me for a race.
Oh its on. I rolled up my sleeves. Ready, set, go!! I start flying down the track. I'm leaving my opponent in the dust. Weeeee. I smile with glee as I think "I'm totally going to win" and then guess what happened?

   That is right. I totally biffed it. ca-splat!! on the blacktop. I had been going so fast that when I tried to "hug the ground" I actually slid a couple feet. hee hee lucky me! as I was dusted my pants and my pride off I discovered a big red hole a little bit bigger than a quarter on my right knee. In my elementary mind I swear the fall had peeled/burned all of the skin off and the red I was looking at was muscle. I know, soo dramatic. (It's my way of finding humor in the situation.)

   Has this ever happened to you? Where you thing you are all set and you're going to accomplish all the things! but then you stub you toe or something glitches in your life and you're holding whats left and wondering what just happened?

When I look back on my skating memory I think of when I was just skating around randomly; no purpose, just skating to skate.

But what happened when someone challenged me? Boy did I have a purpose then!! I skated faster then I ever had before. Yeah, I ate dirt but that also taught me to get back up and keep going. What would have happened if I had never been challenged? had never been pushed to my limits that day?

I would have never had learned:
1. I can go really fast,
2. but don't skate faster than you have strength.
3. When you fall get back up,
4. and keep doing it all my life.
5. Always use neo and bandages,
6. unless you want a scar out of the experience
etc.
  
   This whole process of trial and learning is what happened to me this week.  I realized, afterwards, that the trials made me see what I needed to learn so that I can become who I need to be. Let me share this journey of discovery with you.
   It started with an uneasy feeling. You know that feeling like you're just not doing your best or you feel like your head is always tilted to the side and everything you see is skewed because of it? That's how I felt; just slightly off balance but it was so subtle that I didn't even realize it was there. Then the trials happened. . . ALL IN ONE WEEK. Here is a condensed list!

1.

My left leg decided to rebel against me and start hurting without telling me the reason.

2.

Everyone we were trying to help ignoring us.

3. 

Doubt, discouragement, diminished self worth, disappointment and despair (a lot of D words) hit me all at once! It was a disaster!

4.

Outside forces converging upon us to keep us from sleep and rest.

5.

One of the missionaries we live with going to the hospital.

(don't worry there was more. I didn't want to overwhelm you. (especially you, mom)

   You can be sure all of these trials one on top of another really sent me for a spin and asking my absolute favorite question of all time; Why?

   One night during all this, as I was asking this question of mine after all of my emotions basically broke in one moment leaving me reeling (lots of tears and prayers involved) I remembered a side of God that I didn't see before. (Wow I hope that sentence made sense to you)

   Spending 4+ hours in bed alone with just me and my trials and questions in one arm and prayers and God's grace in the other like cherished stuffed animals, was just the right thing for me to learn more about myself and the reason for my personal madness than anything else before.

 The major thing I learned that night?

That trials are all part of God's plan! He wants us to grow and learn and the best and greatest way to do that is through trials. I know kind of a bummer but its worked so far right?

There are sooo many plot twists in my life but I know all of them have been directed by God and guided by His grace.

Each trial is a rung on a ladder to our potential.

Let's face it, trials will always be there with all the paperwork included. Take Rafiki's advice and learn and grow. Reach the potential you have within you.

"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness." (Isaiah 41:10)

God is with you!! Its ok to have trials and be human and fall. Just get up, dust off, and keep going.

When you fall God will lift you up, if you let Him.

Love,
  Ryn

Failures, anyone?

Dear Emmia and Kirk,

As I look back on this last year and forward to the new I ask myself a lot of questions: 

What have I done?

What have I become this past year? 

What do I want to be? 

What are my new years resolutions?

Can I even remember my last ones?

Which ones did I accomplish?

Which ones are unfulfilled?

How can I get better?

What should I aim for?

What haven't I aimed for?

What in the world is wrong with me?

Why am I asking all these questions anyway?

Hmmm, maybe I should learn how to play the guitar?

Woo I wonder if I could read all the standard works in a year!?

Wouldn't that be an accomplishment!?

But what about the other goals I want to get done? like:

-become a Preach my Gospel Missionary

-declutter(I have soo much stuff right?

-make every prayer meaningful

-get in shape and eat right, yay!

-develop talents and abilities

-turn 21(not a given one if you think about it)

-always be myself(which is super hard, no?

-maybe figure out how to do a podcast

-and learn how to crochet and knit a pattern

-become fluent in Spanish

How am I ever gonna get all these things done?

What about last years goals that did not happen?

like at all?

Was last year a failure?

Maybe it wasn't?

I wonder if you got confused with all these questions?

     This past year was all a year should be. It had up and downs and unexpected turns and paths. Yeah I made a bunch of mistakes and goof ups but I also did a lot of good.

So as I tried to figure out my goals for this year as well as reflecting, my sister emailed me and gave me this sound advice:(without even knowing it)

 "Remember that "failures" are only failures if you don't learn from them."

 So I'm not going to limit my goals this year just because I "failed" some goals last year. I learned from them so they're not really failures.

 

I know I may not know the path but I know who is with me. My Savior never leaves me and with Him and can return to God. I focus on him and through all the trial and mistakes I try to always remember:

So my new years resolutions are:

Use the Atonement daily, one day at a time.

Master the simple things

Love and serve others

Be balanced

Return with Him

And any others He wants to to do:)

 So go out and learn and grow. I'm certainly doing it or trying to, and that's what life is all about.
   Because we are eternal beings (we have always existed and will always exist) this is the only time in our existence where we will have such a close understanding of and think of beginnings and ends, months and years, and the everyday mortal things.

Enjoy it!!! Reach out and grab it. Cherish and love every bad hair day, flat tire, broken relationship, wrong turn, right way, family laughter, precious moment, held child, falling leaf, snowflake, or rain, skip or trip or run, frown or smile, dashed hope or accomplished dream. Because its only fleeting and you'll realize as you look back on it all, your failures or mistakes will be your most triumphant memories, where you overcame and changed and loved the most.

God gave us this opportunity to be human together. Lets enjoy the journey; potholes, bumps, wrong turns and all. So lets do this new year thing together. What are your resolutions?
Love,
Ryn