Plot Twist!!

Dear Emmia and Kirk,
    I remember one time when I was in elementary school we had a skate day. I was so excited!! I borrowed my sister's black and purple skates and I got there, strapped them on, made sure they were nice and tight and started skating my heart out. At first I just roamed around exploring but it got really serious when someone challenged me for a race.
Oh its on. I rolled up my sleeves. Ready, set, go!! I start flying down the track. I'm leaving my opponent in the dust. Weeeee. I smile with glee as I think "I'm totally going to win" and then guess what happened?

   That is right. I totally biffed it. ca-splat!! on the blacktop. I had been going so fast that when I tried to "hug the ground" I actually slid a couple feet. hee hee lucky me! as I was dusted my pants and my pride off I discovered a big red hole a little bit bigger than a quarter on my right knee. In my elementary mind I swear the fall had peeled/burned all of the skin off and the red I was looking at was muscle. I know, soo dramatic. (It's my way of finding humor in the situation.)

   Has this ever happened to you? Where you thing you are all set and you're going to accomplish all the things! but then you stub you toe or something glitches in your life and you're holding whats left and wondering what just happened?

When I look back on my skating memory I think of when I was just skating around randomly; no purpose, just skating to skate.

But what happened when someone challenged me? Boy did I have a purpose then!! I skated faster then I ever had before. Yeah, I ate dirt but that also taught me to get back up and keep going. What would have happened if I had never been challenged? had never been pushed to my limits that day?

I would have never had learned:
1. I can go really fast,
2. but don't skate faster than you have strength.
3. When you fall get back up,
4. and keep doing it all my life.
5. Always use neo and bandages,
6. unless you want a scar out of the experience
etc.
  
   This whole process of trial and learning is what happened to me this week.  I realized, afterwards, that the trials made me see what I needed to learn so that I can become who I need to be. Let me share this journey of discovery with you.
   It started with an uneasy feeling. You know that feeling like you're just not doing your best or you feel like your head is always tilted to the side and everything you see is skewed because of it? That's how I felt; just slightly off balance but it was so subtle that I didn't even realize it was there. Then the trials happened. . . ALL IN ONE WEEK. Here is a condensed list!

1.

My left leg decided to rebel against me and start hurting without telling me the reason.

2.

Everyone we were trying to help ignoring us.

3. 

Doubt, discouragement, diminished self worth, disappointment and despair (a lot of D words) hit me all at once! It was a disaster!

4.

Outside forces converging upon us to keep us from sleep and rest.

5.

One of the missionaries we live with going to the hospital.

(don't worry there was more. I didn't want to overwhelm you. (especially you, mom)

   You can be sure all of these trials one on top of another really sent me for a spin and asking my absolute favorite question of all time; Why?

   One night during all this, as I was asking this question of mine after all of my emotions basically broke in one moment leaving me reeling (lots of tears and prayers involved) I remembered a side of God that I didn't see before. (Wow I hope that sentence made sense to you)

   Spending 4+ hours in bed alone with just me and my trials and questions in one arm and prayers and God's grace in the other like cherished stuffed animals, was just the right thing for me to learn more about myself and the reason for my personal madness than anything else before.

 The major thing I learned that night?

That trials are all part of God's plan! He wants us to grow and learn and the best and greatest way to do that is through trials. I know kind of a bummer but its worked so far right?

There are sooo many plot twists in my life but I know all of them have been directed by God and guided by His grace.

Each trial is a rung on a ladder to our potential.

Let's face it, trials will always be there with all the paperwork included. Take Rafiki's advice and learn and grow. Reach the potential you have within you.

"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness." (Isaiah 41:10)

God is with you!! Its ok to have trials and be human and fall. Just get up, dust off, and keep going.

When you fall God will lift you up, if you let Him.

Love,
  Ryn

Storm of Feelings

Dear Emmia and Kirk,
 Today I want to talk about storms. Not the storms of clouds and weather but the storms of life. These storms come in various forms and sizes but one thing is constant; they happen to all of us.

My storms are most likely completely different from you storms but again there is another constant. We can all rely on Jesus Christ to get us through these storms.

As a missionary my life is literally in the hands of God. We have transfers every 6 weeks where we could be sent anywhere in the mission with a new companion, new environment and new everything. Also as missionaries we try to follow the promptings of the Holy Ghost to find people who are ready for Christ's message and that leads to our emotions being at the mercy of the people we teach. That storm is outside of me. I'm used to those storms I'm used to the circumstances trying to overthrow my inner soul.

But, at the moment I feel that the storm is on the inside. The things I thought I knew how to control: Fear, hope, pain, faith, disappointment, trust, uncertainty, charity, despair, delight are rebelling against me and raging inside my heart and mind with my little soul on a ship in the throws of the hurricane. ITS SO FRUSTRATING!! The things you thought weren't a storm suddenly turn into one and you are sitting there clinging onto the mast of your old ways thinking "why is this happening?"

I've learned that it happens so that we can learn to trust in God to pry our hands from the ship and walk to Christ.

"And when the disciples saw Jesus walking on the sea, they were troubled. . . But striaghtway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid. And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water. And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus. But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me. And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt? and when they were come into the ship, the wind ceased."
  Matthew 14:26-32.

Peter had a lot of courage to go out onto that water. He asked "if it be thou, bid me come" He knew that the Savior wouldn't forbid him to venture out. He knew His Savior. We all have that moment in life where we decide to get out of the ship and come to Christ. My "ship" was my life before my mission, the water is my mission (and future) and I have taken that step out of the comfortable life I used to live.

But I didn't know how rough the wind would be. Just like Peter when he focused on the wind and storm; that's where he started to sink. When he focused on Jesus Christ he was fine. When Jesus was helping him back to the ship they were still on the water and Peter, with the help of Christ, was walking on the water but it was only after they got into the ship that the wind ceased.

When we focus on Jesus Christ, the storms and winds are still there but we can survive them and overcome them as we keep our eyes on the Savior of our souls.

There's a song we listen to in the car that I feel is relating to me and the things I'm going through way to much not to mention. Its by Lifehouse and its called Storm.

How long have I been in this storm?
So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form
Water's getting harder to tread
With these waves crashing over my head

If I could just see you
Everything would be all right
If I'd see you
This darkness would turn to light

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
I know everything will be alright
I know everything is alright

I know you didn't bring me out here to drown
So why am I ten feet under and upside down
Barely surviving has become my purpose
Because I'm so used to living underneath the surface

If I could just see you
Everything would be all right
If I'd see you
This darkness would turn to light

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And I know everything will be alright

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
I know everything will be alright
I know everything is alright

Everything's alright
Yeah, everything's alright 

 painting by Micheal T. Malm I have on my scripture case. I love Peter's face. He knows the person he is looking at.

As long as we are lost in Christ's eyes we won't be lost in the storms. 

My God is calming me. He is teaching me how to deal with the winds and the waves. He is walking with me in all of this. He is helping me see that the storms I go through are nothing compared to His power.

When I focus on Christ I can smile through the rain and I notice that when we meet life's challenges with Christ we can do anything!

It is easy enough to be pleasant,

When life flows by like a song,

But the man worth while is one who will smile,

When everything goes dead wrong.

For the test of the heart is trouble,

And it always comes with the years,

And the smile that is worth the praises of earth

Is the smile that shines through tears.

-Ella Wheeler Wilcox

It's all about choice. All of the trials in the world can't take away your ability to choose. And even though sometimes we feel like we're "ten feet under and upside down" we have the right to choose. Its hard to be happy when you don't feel like it. Its hard to smile when all you want to do is frown. But its even harder when you give in to that frown or sadness. 

This storm that's raging in my heart and mind cannot pull me down or rob me of my smile. I know I am a daughter of God who has a loving Father in Heaven that sent His Son to walk on my life's storms and teach me how to overcome my inward hurricanes and my outward typhoons; He is teaching me to walk on water.

Keep your eyes on Christ. Be single to God. Don't give up. If your are not walking on water yet, keep swimming. Reach out for Him. I know he will immediately reach out and give you aid.

D&C 88:68

Therefore, sanctify yourselves that your minds become single to God, and the days will come that you shall see him; for he will unveil his face unto you, and it shall be in his own time, and in his own way, and according to his own will.

Have the faith to trust in Christ and remember that you are never alone.

John 14:18
I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.

As we follow his commandments, listen to the Holy Ghost and follow His promptings to know what to do we will feel Him close and we will know that we are keeping our eyes on Him.

Know that He loves you.

Love,
  Ryn

"Filling their souls with Joy"

Dear Emmia and Kirk,

In the  Book of Mormon. there are so many trials:

Moving and not knowing where your going (1 Nephi 2:4)

Sibling revelry (1 Nephi 3:28)

Mistakes (2 Nephi 4)

Wayward sons (Alma 39)

Just to name a few. So what did they do when things got tough? What should we do when a tsunami of problems wash away our peace? Again the Book of Mormon not only gives us examples of trials but also examples of ways to get through it.

  I want to share with you one of my favorite scriptures. I say one of them because its just too hard to pick just one favorite scripture. That's like trying to pick out a favorite star among the heavens.
Anyways back to the scripture. Its Helaman 3:35.

This scripture is talking about the Nephites a people that lived in ancient America. They have had a lot of wars (a trial, right?) because of wickedness but this is a time where some of them are striving to live the commandments of God.

"Nevertheless they did fast and pray oft, and did wax stronger and stronger in their humility, and firmer and firmer in the faith of Christ, unto the filling their souls with joy and consolation, yea, even to the purifying and the sanctification of their hearts, which sanctification cometh because of their yielding their hearts unto God."

Their trials weren't over and done with and then they had joy. They still had hard times but they had joy through it. How you might ask? Through fasting and praying and trusting in God

I know that we must fast and pray. That is the only way we will receive spiritual light. I know that when we put in our effort we will gain strength and firmness in our humility and faith in Christ.

I know that when we "yield our hearts unto God" Christ will "fill our souls with joy" even when we are going through the "very jaws of hell" (D&C 122:7)

Whenever your life feels like its going downhill, kids, think of Jesus Christ. His name has power alone. Jesus Christ will help us climb up our own personal mountains but we have to choose to move forward. We have to choose to receive the joy Christ desires to give us.

The Refiner's Fire

This talk (link above) is by James E. Faust. Here are some clippets of what he says and quotes:

Parley P. Pratt said: “If I had been set to turn the world over, to dig down a mountain, to go to the ends of the earth, or traverse the deserts of Arabia, it would have been easier than to have undertaken to rest, while the Priesthood was upon me. I have received the holy anointing, and I can never rest till the last enemy is conquered, death destroyed, and truth reigns triumphant.” (Journal of Discourses, 1:15.)

Elder Orson F. Whitney asked and answered this question: “To whom do we look, in days of grief and disaster, for help and consolation? … They are men and women who have suffered, and out of their experience in suffering they bring forth the riches of their sympathy and condolences as a blessing to those now in need. Could they do this had they not suffered themselves?

“Though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered; And being made perfect, he became the author of eternal salvation unto all them that obey him.” (Heb. 5:8–9).

"The Divine Shepherd has a message of hope, strength, and deliverance for all. If there were no night, we would not appreciate the day, nor could we see the stars and the vastness of the heavens. We must partake of the bitter with the sweet. There is a divine purpose in the adversities we encounter every day.They prepare, they purge, they purify, and thus they bless."

I know that no matter what your going through whether it be debt, losing a loved one or wading through the storm of guilt, that Jesus Christ loves you and has given you this things because He knows you can handle it. 

There have been times in my life where I didn't believe that. Where I would yell at God for giving me things that I did not believe I could handle. 

Many burdens feel that way; that they are dragging us down. and they may not be big burdens really. They may be those small thoughts in the back of your mind asking: Will it work out? or What does my future hold? and the enormity of that unanswered questions leaves you in worry and doubt.

Remember the Savior in those moments. Strength comes to change, to have hope and happiness in the agony of sorrow and hardship. 

DO NOT GIVE UP. 

Keep your eye on the Son of God though your horizon is dark.

Have faith that it will all work out in the end. If it ain't working out, it ain't the end.

Have faith in Christ and let Him purify and sanctify your heart so that you can stand firm and know that He is.

Love,
   Ryn.

Fly to His arms.

Dear Emmia and Kirk,

In the Bible there is the story of Noah. He lived in a pretty wicked world; so wicked that God, as merciful as He is, decided to flood the whole earth. In God's mercy He told Noah to pack up his family, food, provisions, and all types of animals(two by two) on an ark that God instructed him to build. Sound familiar to anyone? Has anyone ever had to move? go to college? start a new chapter in life? 

Sometimes transitions in life go smoothly and you are actually grateful for doing it. But that's not how it was in Noah's case. God told Noah to go into the ark with everything he had gathered and that's when it got rough. Waters from the depths of the earth sprang up and rain pored down on them until the ENTIRE earth was covered. AND Noah was 600 years old. (forgot to mention that)

Things got better though. Noah had prepared enough before hand so that all the animals and his family would survive until the waters subsided and they could come out of the ark and start over again.

But I think my favorite part in this story is the dove. When Noah wanted to see if the waters had decreased he first sent out a raven then a dove to see if there was land.

Everyone loves when the dove comes back with the olive branch in her mouth and everyone rejoices and they are even more excited when she doesn't return at all because they know that she is on land. 

But there was a time before that where she came back with nothing.

Genesis 8:9

" But the dove found no rest for the sole of her foot, and she returned unto him into the ark, for the waters were on the face of the whole earth: then he put forth his hand, and took her, and pulled her in unto him into the ark."

I love this scripture. It reminds me so much of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ has sent us out here in this world that's pretty scary; that's flooded with a lot of hate and sadness sometimes. We cannot find rest in this world permanently.

We need to return to Him to find the rest we need. His hand is always "put forth" to take us and pull us in for the comfort and rest we earn for.

God knows what we need. All we must do is seek for it. Don't let anything get in the way of you flying into His arms; of going to Him in hard times and good times.

God loves us. Let us love Him.

Love,

   Ryn.

Changing!

Dear Emmia and Kirk,
      Well the previous posts has been slightly aimless. When I started this blog it was called The River's Return. Pretty neat huh? (you can read The Reason page to find out why I picked it:) I went through a whole long gazillion year period where I was changing my blog every week because it just wasn't working. I even went to wordpress.com and started the exact same blog (same name and posts) thinking I could just choice between them if one worked out. . . it didn't work out. This whole process of writing a blog seemed daunting and now frustrating! ggrrrrrr! I went through many phrases of denial (oh it looks fine don't worry), ignoring it (I'll figure it out later) and utter frustration (why can't I get the colors to work out?!AND why can't this do-dad thingy go THERE?!)

   But I did not give up. I wanted to start writing a blog so I could possibly help people (including you) to find the meaning of life and how they could come closer to Jesus Christ. So, a few days ago I had the idea to write a blog and to my future kids whose names will hopefully be Emmia and Kirk (at least two of them.) I thought it was such a cool idea because people say that if your writing to someone specific it helps focus your writing and brings it purpose to you and also not going to lie, it will probably be super funny to read this with you one day:)

     So my next step was trying to add it to the blog I had already have, a sub blog within my river's return blog. But alas I am technologically impaired and it was just making me super frustrated and I kept bugging everyone about it. Soooo. . . BAM! complete change:) Kind of like putting on new underwear or changing your whole life. . . or blog (heehee)

     I love this feeling! To have a purpose to my blog and to write freely. This is how life should be all the time right? Moving forward and progressing all the time without any hitches or potholes and moving along with purpose. Isn't that what most everyone prays for? Good health. Happy life. Great career. But it doesn't always turn out that way. We have adversity and trials. Why do you think that is? That when we pray for blessings and a happy life we get a flat tire, lose a job or simply don't feel as happy as we want? I came across a quote in my personal study that will help with that question. Its in the Ensign and it really shined new light into my brain:

   It effected me so much I even cut it out and glued it in my study journal. :) Do we understand what that's saying?  OUR TRIALS ARE BLESSINGS. They refine us and bring us closer to God which is the greatest blessing of all. 

Lean on Jesus Christ through prayer, faith and His scriptures and you will make it through all the trials and frustrations of this world. That is how we become truly free. Free to live. Free to be us and free to return to our Father in Heaven. "I, the Lord God, make you free, therefore ye are free indeed; and the law also maketh you free". (D&C 98:8)

   Love,

       Ryn.