Storm of Feelings

Dear Emmia and Kirk,
 Today I want to talk about storms. Not the storms of clouds and weather but the storms of life. These storms come in various forms and sizes but one thing is constant; they happen to all of us.

My storms are most likely completely different from you storms but again there is another constant. We can all rely on Jesus Christ to get us through these storms.

As a missionary my life is literally in the hands of God. We have transfers every 6 weeks where we could be sent anywhere in the mission with a new companion, new environment and new everything. Also as missionaries we try to follow the promptings of the Holy Ghost to find people who are ready for Christ's message and that leads to our emotions being at the mercy of the people we teach. That storm is outside of me. I'm used to those storms I'm used to the circumstances trying to overthrow my inner soul.

But, at the moment I feel that the storm is on the inside. The things I thought I knew how to control: Fear, hope, pain, faith, disappointment, trust, uncertainty, charity, despair, delight are rebelling against me and raging inside my heart and mind with my little soul on a ship in the throws of the hurricane. ITS SO FRUSTRATING!! The things you thought weren't a storm suddenly turn into one and you are sitting there clinging onto the mast of your old ways thinking "why is this happening?"

I've learned that it happens so that we can learn to trust in God to pry our hands from the ship and walk to Christ.

"And when the disciples saw Jesus walking on the sea, they were troubled. . . But striaghtway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid. And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water. And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus. But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me. And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt? and when they were come into the ship, the wind ceased."
  Matthew 14:26-32.

Peter had a lot of courage to go out onto that water. He asked "if it be thou, bid me come" He knew that the Savior wouldn't forbid him to venture out. He knew His Savior. We all have that moment in life where we decide to get out of the ship and come to Christ. My "ship" was my life before my mission, the water is my mission (and future) and I have taken that step out of the comfortable life I used to live.

But I didn't know how rough the wind would be. Just like Peter when he focused on the wind and storm; that's where he started to sink. When he focused on Jesus Christ he was fine. When Jesus was helping him back to the ship they were still on the water and Peter, with the help of Christ, was walking on the water but it was only after they got into the ship that the wind ceased.

When we focus on Jesus Christ, the storms and winds are still there but we can survive them and overcome them as we keep our eyes on the Savior of our souls.

There's a song we listen to in the car that I feel is relating to me and the things I'm going through way to much not to mention. Its by Lifehouse and its called Storm.

How long have I been in this storm?
So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form
Water's getting harder to tread
With these waves crashing over my head

If I could just see you
Everything would be all right
If I'd see you
This darkness would turn to light

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
I know everything will be alright
I know everything is alright

I know you didn't bring me out here to drown
So why am I ten feet under and upside down
Barely surviving has become my purpose
Because I'm so used to living underneath the surface

If I could just see you
Everything would be all right
If I'd see you
This darkness would turn to light

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And I know everything will be alright

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
I know everything will be alright
I know everything is alright

Everything's alright
Yeah, everything's alright 

 painting by Micheal T. Malm I have on my scripture case. I love Peter's face. He knows the person he is looking at.

As long as we are lost in Christ's eyes we won't be lost in the storms. 

My God is calming me. He is teaching me how to deal with the winds and the waves. He is walking with me in all of this. He is helping me see that the storms I go through are nothing compared to His power.

When I focus on Christ I can smile through the rain and I notice that when we meet life's challenges with Christ we can do anything!

It is easy enough to be pleasant,

When life flows by like a song,

But the man worth while is one who will smile,

When everything goes dead wrong.

For the test of the heart is trouble,

And it always comes with the years,

And the smile that is worth the praises of earth

Is the smile that shines through tears.

-Ella Wheeler Wilcox

It's all about choice. All of the trials in the world can't take away your ability to choose. And even though sometimes we feel like we're "ten feet under and upside down" we have the right to choose. Its hard to be happy when you don't feel like it. Its hard to smile when all you want to do is frown. But its even harder when you give in to that frown or sadness. 

This storm that's raging in my heart and mind cannot pull me down or rob me of my smile. I know I am a daughter of God who has a loving Father in Heaven that sent His Son to walk on my life's storms and teach me how to overcome my inward hurricanes and my outward typhoons; He is teaching me to walk on water.

Keep your eyes on Christ. Be single to God. Don't give up. If your are not walking on water yet, keep swimming. Reach out for Him. I know he will immediately reach out and give you aid.

D&C 88:68

Therefore, sanctify yourselves that your minds become single to God, and the days will come that you shall see him; for he will unveil his face unto you, and it shall be in his own time, and in his own way, and according to his own will.

Have the faith to trust in Christ and remember that you are never alone.

John 14:18
I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.

As we follow his commandments, listen to the Holy Ghost and follow His promptings to know what to do we will feel Him close and we will know that we are keeping our eyes on Him.

Know that He loves you.

Love,
  Ryn