The Hope in my Heart

Dear Emmia and Kirk,
   My life has not been perfect. Big surprise right? From the get-go it was violent and stormy. I really hope that your start in life will be filled with loving parents and a peace in the home.

I have many memories  that hurt to look back on (the first four years of my life, the passing of my grandpa and many in between). We all have those moments in life where everything seems hopeless. You struggle to get out of bed, put on a brave face to greet the world and move forward. . . or you don't. You just sit there thinking about all the hopeless things. I've done that a lot in the past. I've had many trials in my life, probably not the most extravagant of hardships but they are unique to me.

I've learned from them a hope. This hope isn't fleeting or temporary. Its real and has been real my entire life. It has comforted me through the darkest of paths and the thorniest of ways to find some peace in this life of chaos.

Jesus Christ is the Hope in my heart.

This painting by Greg Olsen is a small vision of the peace I get when I think of Jesus Christ. When I was pitying myself for not having an earthly father or crying at night because of nightmares or grief that peace was with me. It doesn't stop me from crying or feeling sorrow. All it does is reassures me that nothing will be lost.

  Through Jesus Christ I know I'll see my grandpa again. I'll see my Father in Heaven again. Everything that's unfair or mean in life will be made right. Jesus Christ will make all the imperfect things perfect.
   Emmia. Kirk. I want you both to know that He wants to be with you all the time. When you choose to let Him in He will give you peace and everything you need to become like Him. Sometimes it won't be easy. He'll give you things that don't seem like blessings, but they are. When your in the darkest part of your soul thinking you can't possibly return to Him or find Him, wondering how you'll ever see light again, know please know that He is there, in that dark place with you feeling all that you feel, crying all of those tears you've ever cried and holding out is hand. Just have faith to reach out to Jesus Christ and He will lift you up. All of those dark times are molding you into who you can become: greater than you can dream, better than you can imagine, strong enough to touch the stars and maybe someday make some of your own.

  When I walk with Him I am at peace.

Remember always His love for you.

    Love,

Ryn

Status

Dear Emmia and Kirk
    Have you ever wondered what your "status" is? It's there all the time on Facebook with the epic thought provoking question "what's on your mind?" (hopefully you know what this is and future technology hasn't made Facebook archaic) We usually type up something we've done or what color of shoes we wore today but it should be something more? The Google definition of the word status is "the relative social, professional, or other standing of someone or something." Huh what? Your status is your standing. on what? you might ask. Well it could be anything really but what is most important to you?

   I was thinking a lot about this; about how I used Facebook and technology before my mission (not much because of my lack of techy skill and when I did it was for random unimportant things) and how I use it now on my mission. I use it to uplift others and myself. I use it to help people find happiness through Jesus Christ. I use it to email my family every Preparation day and I use it to write you. Its a drastic change in my status.

   What causes great changes in you? For me it was being aware.

 Being aware of: 

God's love for me

Jesus Christ sacrifice for me

the children of God I see (which is everybody)

the hope in my heart.

   I change a lot but one thing stays the same: That I'm a Daughter of God. That will not change. It won't for you either. Nope, sorry. You are stuck being a son or daughter of God forever; eternity; all the time; siempre(always) And God will always love you forever; eternity; all the time. . . you're picking up what I'm laying down. Even if that girl in your English class doesn't even know you exist or your boyfriend just dumped you. Or you're a snot to everybody even yourself. God loves you. I love you.
  I realized what I should have been doing with technology all along. I should have been letting people know I love them. That's ultimately what my status is all the time now. That's why I'm so weird (cause God made me that way and I am that way) and that's why I'm trying to figure out all these computery things so I can spread happyness
My "status" is happy my purpose makes sense, and I am weird.
 Love,
     Ryn.

Changing!

Dear Emmia and Kirk,
      Well the previous posts has been slightly aimless. When I started this blog it was called The River's Return. Pretty neat huh? (you can read The Reason page to find out why I picked it:) I went through a whole long gazillion year period where I was changing my blog every week because it just wasn't working. I even went to wordpress.com and started the exact same blog (same name and posts) thinking I could just choice between them if one worked out. . . it didn't work out. This whole process of writing a blog seemed daunting and now frustrating! ggrrrrrr! I went through many phrases of denial (oh it looks fine don't worry), ignoring it (I'll figure it out later) and utter frustration (why can't I get the colors to work out?!AND why can't this do-dad thingy go THERE?!)

   But I did not give up. I wanted to start writing a blog so I could possibly help people (including you) to find the meaning of life and how they could come closer to Jesus Christ. So, a few days ago I had the idea to write a blog and to my future kids whose names will hopefully be Emmia and Kirk (at least two of them.) I thought it was such a cool idea because people say that if your writing to someone specific it helps focus your writing and brings it purpose to you and also not going to lie, it will probably be super funny to read this with you one day:)

     So my next step was trying to add it to the blog I had already have, a sub blog within my river's return blog. But alas I am technologically impaired and it was just making me super frustrated and I kept bugging everyone about it. Soooo. . . BAM! complete change:) Kind of like putting on new underwear or changing your whole life. . . or blog (heehee)

     I love this feeling! To have a purpose to my blog and to write freely. This is how life should be all the time right? Moving forward and progressing all the time without any hitches or potholes and moving along with purpose. Isn't that what most everyone prays for? Good health. Happy life. Great career. But it doesn't always turn out that way. We have adversity and trials. Why do you think that is? That when we pray for blessings and a happy life we get a flat tire, lose a job or simply don't feel as happy as we want? I came across a quote in my personal study that will help with that question. Its in the Ensign and it really shined new light into my brain:

   It effected me so much I even cut it out and glued it in my study journal. :) Do we understand what that's saying?  OUR TRIALS ARE BLESSINGS. They refine us and bring us closer to God which is the greatest blessing of all. 

Lean on Jesus Christ through prayer, faith and His scriptures and you will make it through all the trials and frustrations of this world. That is how we become truly free. Free to live. Free to be us and free to return to our Father in Heaven. "I, the Lord God, make you free, therefore ye are free indeed; and the law also maketh you free". (D&C 98:8)

   Love,

       Ryn.